My Christmas letter and wish for the New Year

This is the Christmas letter I sent out this year:

Dear Family and Friends,

I have never written a Christmas letter before, but I didn’t think I had the strength to write individual notes in each card. I know that at some point during this holiday season we will all think of Ron, if not every day, like I do. I am not a fan of platitudes (I have heard enough of them lately), but I do hope that you will be able to remember happy times with Ron. Although even those happy memories hurt when you’re grieving. Memories come to me unbidden. My heart can break all over again by simply seeing a photo, hearing a song, or having a memory of something funny that Ron did. I have learned that there are no rules to widowhood. Some days are not so bad, some days are awful, but as yet there are no really good days. I have been doing a lot of reading lately. Not the latest bestsellers, but books on being a widow and the stages of grief.

If grief does follow a pattern, then I think I am stuck in the anger stage. I feel that the kids and I (and everyone else) have been robbed, and I would like to find somewhere to scream at the top of my lungs about the injustice of it all. I’m not mad at Ron for dying because God knows that he fought so hard to live. I’m not mad at God for taking Ron because he released him from his pain, and I know that he took him home to wait for me. I don’t know what I am mad at specifically, I’m just mad. I have been praying for the anger to dissipate, so if you are a praying person, could you please add that to your prayer list? I would appreciate it. Also please pray for the kids, to help ease their pain. Ron was such a huge presence in all of our lives. Isn’t that a wonderful legacy though? To be so loved and missed, and by so many.

Jason is doing well. He is still working at Grand Geneva, and he is looking for a house to buy. He has been very good to me since his Dad died. I know that Ron was as proud as I am of the wonderful man he has become. Amanda and Eric are doing well up in Iola. I am now the proud Grandma of two dogs. Still waiting for an actual grandchild. (No pressure!) Eric is now managing a gas station. They have a lovely home up there, and they have been kind enough to give me a room whenever I want it. I don’t plan to spend my winters there though! Emily and Jas are also doing well in Whitewater. Emily works at the Sentry store, where she was recently promoted to the Service Desk. She is enjoying it a lot. Jas is hard at work in college. He plans to get his Doctorate in American History. They will both be going to Wales again for Christmas this year. We joke that the only way I will get to Wales is for the wedding! Wouldn’t that be fun? I am so thankful for our kids. They are all such caring, wonderful people.

For those of you that don’t know, I am currently in Missouri with my sister Debbie and brother-in-law Dale. They built me an entire apartment in their basement. The kindnesses that I have been shown by many is truly overwhelming sometimes. It is lovely here, and they don’t get much snow, so I plan to stay here until at least February. At least that is the plan as of now, but I know that things can change very quickly. I do miss home and everyone there, and I think of all of you often. To all of Ron’s family and friends, I hope that this holiday season will be blessed. Please hold your families a little tighter this year. We have no guarantees in this life, but we do in the next, and I thank God for that because then I will be with Ron again.

Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)

May 2010 be kinder to all.